House of Crazy
by VisualZero
Summary: A mysterious invitation brings all of the teams from the World Championships, along with Hyoma and Teru, to a strange house in the middle of nowhere. Said house happens to be the gates to insanity itself. For the lulz


_Dear Various Bladers and Such,_

_First of all, I would like to extend my dearest and most sincere congratulations on each of your performances in the World Championship for children's spinning tops (which incidentally is not in any way a ridiculous and complete waste of time and in fact is a valuable experience for life.) Due to said masterful performance, I would like to invite you all to my Resort and Spa, all expenses paid, which is in no way a cover up for kidnapping you all from civilization and sacrificing your bodies to Lucifer and various other evil entities._

_I can't wait to see you all, my darlings!_

_Love, Zero (who is absolutely sane of mind and has never join a cult in his life)_

Tsubasa reread the invitation and, running a hand through his long, whitegray hair, wondered once again what could possibly be enough to tempt these Bladers to a more than a little suspicious sounding Resort which happened to be located in the back ass of nowhere for absolutely no real reason.

_PS: FREE COOKIES TO ALL WHO COME!_

Oh yes, there was that.

He sighed and glanced around the bus carrying all of them to their destination. He, along with Madoka, Hyoma, Hikaru, Teru, Toby and Zeo were sitting in the first few rows with a hastily drawn line across the seats and 'THIS IS FOR THOSE SANE OF MIND ONLY' written beside it.

The others had given up trying to cross the line after learning the punishment.

**GINGKA AND MASAMUNE AFTER MAKING THE FATAL MISTAKE**

'AHHH! MADOKA'S LECTURE! BIG WORDS! SUCH BIG WOOOOORRRDDDSS!'

Aaaand, that put a stop to most of them.

Tsubasa turned to Hyoma and Teru.

'So, what are you two doing here anyway? I thought this was for the teams only?'

'There was a competition in which you had to compose a reason for wanting to accompany the teams here.' Hyoma explained 'Here's mine: Once upon a time there was a young man named Masamune and then a wizard appeared and beat him to death with a stick and then sabre toothed tigers ripped out his insides and then he was trampled by a herd of fangirls rushing to get One Direction's newest CD, then he had a threesome with Magneto and Hannibal Lector who bit off his penis and then he was sucked into a game of Tetris and died. The end.'

'English literature at it's finest.' Madoka nodded.

Zeo agreed. 'I like the part where Hannibal Lector bit off his penis.'

Madok frowned. 'But I thought you couldn't leave Koma village? What happened to I'm not leaving even if it was the end of the world?'

Hyoma shrugged. 'Yeeeaaahh, you shouldn't take me too seriously. Besides, Hokuto's Twilight obsession is getting out of hand and I can only stomach watching Breaking Dawn so many times. Anyway, I'm only leaving for a few days – I'm sure everything is perfectly fine!'

**IN KOMA VILLAGE**

'THE FIRE! IT BURRRNS!' The citizens screamed, as the red-eyed fiend from hell maimed tortured, raped, skinned and upset their once peaceful lives.

'WHY US?' Hokuto howled to the moon, as the beast approached him, teeth bared. 'WWWHHHHYYY UUUUSSSS?'

**BACK IN THE TOUR BUS**

'I don't really have a clue why I'm here.' Teru confessed.

'HEY GUYS! WHO'S UP FOR A SINGALONG?' Zhou Xin suddenly yelled. 'NINE THOUSAND NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE GREEN BOTLES S- Wait, do the bottles sit or stand on the wall?'

'THEY STAND, YOU IDIOT! HAS YOUR 4000 YEAR OLD FOLK SONG TRAINING TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?' Da Xiang yelled back, clipping him on the head.

'Oh God… this is gonna be one long bus ride…' Tsubasa sighed, leaning back in his seat.

'Still, it'll be nice to get away for a bit.' Zeo mused. 'A couple of days of calm, peaceful-OH GOD DAMIAN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO KENTA? PUT THAT CHILD DOWN!'

'SHUT UP, ZEO - JACK IS GOING TO USE HIS INNARDS TO MAKE ME A TIARA! AND THAT'S _PRINCESS_ DAMIAN TO YOU!'

'Oh God… Sorry about this…' Zeo groaned and made his way over to his teammates. Five minutes later, Kenta was rescued, Damian and Jack had endured a severe telling off – YOU DO NOT MAIM PEOPLE TO USE THEIR INTESTINES AS IT IS MORALLY WRONG – and both of them were subjected to a special section at the very back of the bus where another line with the words 'FOR THE ESPECIALLY CRAZY' was drawn up.

'The disturbing thing is, this is a GOOD DAY for those two…' Zeo said, as both of them started throwing sausages at Julian and Wales.

'That's okay Zeo, we understand.' Madoka said.

'We do?' asked Tsubasa.

'The other day we had to rush Gingka to the hospital after the idiot thought he could 'sonic rainboom' off the third floor of the WBBA building. And don't get me started on Kyouya… let's just say he is not allowed near sharp objects. Or piñatas. You don't want to know.' She said before Zeo could ask.

'How long until we reach the resort?' Hikaru asked.

'Just under two hours and if we're lucky we'll make it there with minimum injury. If we're not lucky… it's a good thing I just took out life insurance. It's surprising how much injury small clumps of metal can actually be.' Madoka wondered.

'They're really running out of plot ideas for kids TV shows.' Hyoma said.

'I hope the next one involves balloons in some way. I do like balloons.' Toby said.

**MEANWHILE AT THE BACK OF THE BUS**

'-And all he had in his basket was a box of condoms, perfume and vibrating beads. He was in for some night!'

Lera and Selen burst into peals of laughter, as Kenta's eyes widened at what he had just heard.

'Stop listening in on our conversation, you creep!' Lera hissed at him, which caused him to curl into a ball on his seat.

'I wanna go home!' He sobbed.

'JACK I FORGOT TO PACK A TOOTHBRUSH!'

'Don't worry Damian, I found a dead hedgehog a few miles back on the road and I'm gonna go all Art Attack on its ass.'

'God those guys are such freaks.' Mei Mei scoffed to Chi Yun.

'CHI YUN FEARS A GOVERNMENT SPY HAS IMPLEMENTED ITSELF INTO HIS BRAIN! …ALSO CHI YUN IS A KOALA BEAR!' Chi Yun said, beginning to gnaw on Zhou Xin's Virgo.

'ALRIGHT EVERYBODY! CHARADES TIME!' Jack yelled, standing up in his seat. 'WHO'M I, WHO'M I? BLAH BLAH BLAH FOUR THOUSAND YEARS OLD!'

'CAN IT, TRANNY!' Da Xiang growled.

'COMMUNISM!'

'I MEAN IT OR I'LL BEAT YOU SENSELESS WITH THIS STICK I HAPPENED TO FIND!'

'THAT'S NOT A STICK THAT IS MY MAGIC WAND AND I AM A MAGICIAN!' Lera growled, snatching the stick from Da Xiang.

'I've got a magic wand riiiggghhht heerrree~' Zhou Xin purred, before Aleksi grabbed the stick out of Lera's hands and threw it at him, hitting him in a very uncomfortable place.

'Oh FUUUU- THAT'S IT, YOU DAMN SOVIET! I AM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!… In like half an hour…' Chao Xin groaned, returning to his seat. 'Hey why's there all this drool on my Virgo?'

'That was Jack; he got really excited-'

'EWWWWW! TRANNY JIZZ!'

'BE QUIET DAMIAN HOW COULD IT POSSIBLY BE ME WHEN I AM ALL THE WAY BACK HERE?'

'Can't you just feel your brain cells zapping away one by one?' Tsubasa said.

'Something tells me I can either survive this bus ride or keep my sanity but it's either one or the other.' Madoka said. 'Maybe I should jump out now.'

'If you jump you'll probably die.' Hyoma.

Madoka glanced over at Gingka who Jack and Damian had pinned down on the floor and were drawing a penis on his face.

'I'm willing to take that chance.'

Madoka did not jump off the bus but in fact managed to endure it due to the company of her good friends, the knowledge that they were together no matter what and about twenty asperins.

'THE SUN! IT BURNS!' Jack hissed, collapsing dramatically into a heap on the ground as everyone filed off the bus.

'Later kids! Enjoy eternal suffering-I mean your holiday!' The driver said, driving away.

'Well, at least we've escaped one form of madness-' Madoka.

Suddenly an enormous beast burst into their view, eyes glowing fiercely as the temperature began to drop by about twenty degrees.

'-To encounter another straight away! Why can't we ever go somewhere where someone isn't trying to kill us?'

'ZEO! ZEO I NEED MY CROSSBOW!' Damian shouted, poking at his teammate.

The foul beast let out a furious roar. It looked like a cross between a deformed cat, dragon and gian slug.

'Hey look Kyoya - it's your mom.' Nile laughed.

'LEAVE THIS PLACE AT ONCE! IT IS CURSED!' The creature hissed.

'What do you mean?' Madoka asked.

'Just leave dammit! Or do I have to make you by force?' It howled again, preparing to release a ball of fire.

Everyone braced themselves for the oncoming attack, sure they were facing certain death when-

'Bad Soan! What did I tell you about unleashing your alter ego like that! Sorry about this bladers, he sometimes gets a bit cranky when he's hungry...'

The Bladers catiously opened their eyes to find a young man with white hair scolding a dark-haired boy who had taken the place of the evil looking creature.

'Where am I?' The dark-haired boy was wondering, looking thoroughly confused.

'Wait! Did that THING just... tranform into a human?' Madoka asked.

'Yeah, but he doesn't know that his alter ego is a demon overlord - I figure it's best not to tell him. He's lovely, really.'

'Isn't that dangerous?' Tsubasa wondered.

'Oh, extremely! Anyway, my name is Zero, I'm glad you could all make it, here are the keys to your rooms and welcome to resort!'

'Woah woah woah – you wanna explain what just happened? Warnings and all that?' Zeo asked, incredulous as the others looked on in disbelief.

'Oh, this place is perfectly harmless!' Zero assured them, before adding under his breath '(Well apart from the flesh eating lycanthropes…)'

'WHAT?!' Everyone screamed.

'YAY! PUPPIES!' Damian got excited.

'Buuut apart from that I'm sure you'll be fine...' Zero grinned, walking away.

'Something tells me this is not exactly going to be a relaxing vacation...' Madoka sighed...

**I probably won't update this for ages... I have NO IDEA where I'm going with it..**


End file.
